Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
