Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
