i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
