I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
