do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
