why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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