Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
