Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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