So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
