dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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