I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
