I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
