I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
