I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
