he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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