Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
