My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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