I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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