I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
