My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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