1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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