Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
