If i come over, it means nothing
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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