speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
