I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
