I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Pants are for mortals
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
