ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
