I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You dont lie about slip and slides
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
