Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
