Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
