Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We have so much sex to catch up on
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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