so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
