things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
