no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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