The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
