we have pet lesbian snakes
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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