I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
