She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
