my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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