my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
