Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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