I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
