3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
