Pants 0. Shit 1.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
