He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
