Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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