Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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