He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
