Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
