Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
